Rex, the rat, and revenge!

Yesterday, late afternoon, having come home pretty weary from having done all the necessary stocking up and errands prior to the Easter weekend, I prepared to sit me down with a cuppa and the local rag in the peace and quiet of our courtyard for a few precious minutes. My favourite china mug of tea in hand, I sank wearily into the deck chair. At that very moment, a little scurry under the garden table warned me that all was not quite right in Paradise. This was followed by the unmistakeable sound of bones crunching. I peered gingerly under the table, where my worst fears were confirmed. There sat Rex, that royal rat catcher of note, proudly displaying his latest conquest. Now you'll probably guess what I'm thinking, but I'll say it anyway. Methought that the good fairy in one Grimm's tales had waved her magic wand over the nasty neighbours (who have been repeating their usual tricks, can you believe!?) and returned them to their original state.

Anyway, looking around me I saw unmistakeable signs of a Battle Royale, and was ever so grateful that I hadn't been home to witness this duel till death. Well, on the bright side, one rodent less to worry about, but as you no doubt know, to whom does the duty of removal fall, but your own extremely squeamish Suzy Q. I have learnt from trial and error that to try to remove the ugly vermin whilst Rex is anywhere near results in a particularly gory tug-o'-war, running the real risk of me chundering everywhere, as the good Sloanes say. So, never mind that much needed hot cup of tea, I locked Rex in his bedroom and grabbed a bag and my trusty pooper scooper. Of course the long tailed creature wouldn't fit into the bag, but I eventually managed to get him inside, whilst trying very hard not to look at him. Suzy Q is a very sensitive soul who is very easily haunted by these hideous sights. Just as I was about to dump him in the municipal bin already out for the Friday collection, I added a fresh poo for good measure, to truly seal a bad memory. Done! To hell with the tea, a stiff G'n'T for me!!

Sometime during the evening, (possibly whilst sipping my third glass of wine - those of you who have ever been locked up on a boat with me will recognize the glint of midnight madness with which I am occasionally afflicted) I had a vinous brainwave. I'd take Rex out for a walk in the dark, for after all he had forfeited his daily stroll with me, and retrieve the bad bag in the bin and sneakily empty it's contents on the nasty neighbour's verge. Rats**t, that's what you are. But perhaps that would be too subtle for them. Fortunately (or not) Mr SQ, who knows me too well, got wind of my devilish plan, and physically restrained me until we heard the truck coming past this morning.

Hope you all enjoy your Easter weekend.


Your ever scheming,


Suzy Q