You asked for more flash fiction - you got it. Hope you enjoy the latest from Suzy Q.

                                   Great Catch 

There I was, at my favourite table on the deck of my local vida e caffe, having my weekly cappuccino fix after doing all the thankless things that a girl has to do. I was relishing a golden half an hour, using the free wifi and catching up with the world with a wee bit of “me time.” Trying to ignore the not so yummy mummies popping in for their skinny lattes in their tight black lycra leggings, lard arses bulging through (honestly, there should be a law against this!) I averted my eyes from their gigantic thighs. A chilling thought crossed my mind (not that short a journey, as some of you may suspect.) Would this be my destiny too, if EVER I found that elusive Mr Right and we settled down and got going with sprogs!? "Hell to the no, "I vowed!!" I would remain forever, sweet, svelte, sexy Suzy Q.

In front of me was my hot, frothy coffee with it’s little Lindt chocolate, my one sweet indulgence, but sure hadn’t I earned it? Out of the corner of my little eye, I spied a bit of a dish at a table next to me, but one. I was, as ever, permanently between relationships. Tattoo that on my head when you bury me please guys. I quite liked the look of this guy. He seemed to be intently listening to the girl he appeared to be interviewing, and there’s nothing more of a turn on than a guy who actually listens to a gal who never gets heard.

As I sipped my latte and licked the creamy foam from my smoking red hot lips, he looked up on cue, and the wrapper from my little Lindt went whoops up into the air. Blow me down if he didn’t leap up to catch it in one fist, bringing himself to his full, rather impressive, manly height, just as I made a move to retrieve it, being a gal who simply abhors litter.“Nice catch,” I smiled sweetly at him. “You should be playing for the Proteas.”He arched his eyebrow and winked saucily back at me. “I’d rather be playing with you!” I extended a hand, “Hi, I’m Suzy Q,” and smiled my most winning smile at him, whilst discreetly tickling the palm of his hand.“How do you do, Suzy Q, lovely to meet you! You for coffee?” he asked, with a wicked grin.

What could a gal whose luck was just about to change, with rubber for knees, answer to that…?

Nice eyes, lovely smile, quick sense of humour,  FABULOUS physique, and a great catch to boot

www.vidacaffe.co.za

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Your weekly flash fiction fix kids!

I'm so glad you are enjoying the flash fiction I've delighted in writing for you, and I have a little corker coming your way today, so kick back during your coffee break and I hope you will enjoy today's offering.

I must admit that a few of you have enquired as to whether these have been written from personal experience. HONESTLY!! Suzy Q, a mother of high moral standing, has never been quite so affronted. I have come to this lofty role with a spotless reputation, but an abundant imagination, so all you smutty schoolboys out there, keep your peckers in your pockets and zip your lips. Ladies, you may read on...                                     

•                            The Mouse that Roared.
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• Granted I was a bit of a mouse. Maybe nobody had ever built me up to believe in myself, but that’s hardly an excuse to let a man, a mean, scaly man, whom I just imagined myself to be in love with, trample all over me. Maybe that’s putting it too mildly. Rather, why not take a ten ton truck and callously crush me? He dumped me after a hot fling at the Christmas party with the office tart.
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• I couldn’t bear the shame of walking in every morning just as the sniggering stopped, and everybody pretended to be hard at work. Nor the pain it gave me to see them groping at that office aphrodisiac, the water cooler.  So, the mouse that barely squeaked resigned, because of that mean, scaly man, I just imagined I was still in love with, and walked out of my dream job.  The office tart slipped into my shoes just as stealthily as she’d leapt onto my man. Granted she was skinnier, prettier, and tittier, but I doubt she was wittier. Maybe her daddy had instilled a lifetime of self confidence (if not morality) in her and she truly believed she could achieve all her dreams and have whatever she so desired.
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• I was desolate. I didn’t eat and drank too much and cried to soppy songs about heartbreak. But one day, one fine bright day, the sun started to shine again, and I made a plan. I used my pension money and joined the gym, and let’s say, I had a little work done, so that my appendages would not have looked out of place at a Miss Muizenberg pageant. My luck changed, and I won a makeover from a magazine; heaven knows I’d spent enough time entering competitions whilst weeping into my cups. I got to keep the clothes from the shoot, which accentuated my slim but newly improved figure. They changed my hairstyle and colour and taught me how to vamp it up. I started looking HOT and decided to capitalize on it.
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• When I’d completed my act, I settled myself seductively on a barstool at the office watering hole at exactly 5pm. Sure as eggs, in came the lovebirds for their after work anaesthetic, although, was it my imagination, or were they looking a little less in love and more like an old married couple? Whilst sipping my mojito I crossed and uncrossed my slender legs so that my short little skirt offered the patrons an invitation to flirt. Lover Boy couldn’t take his eyes off me. When his amor mata went to powder her nose, or steal another woman’s man, he rushed to the bar to get her another white Cinzano and lemonade.
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• “Excuse me,” he enquired, “but don’t I know you from somewhere?”
• I turned to eye him up and down, giving him enough time to get a good view of my expansive new cleavage. Honestly, he was Pavlov’s dog. I could have scooped his saliva up from the carpet with a tablespoon. Then I inhaled deeply on my Sobranie, and blew the smoke directly into his face.
• “No Sir, I don’t know you, I never knew you, and I certainly don’t want to know you now,” I replied.
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• Just then, Carl from the gym, you know, the one they call BB, short for the Body Beautiful, (and the face isn’t too bad either) came bounding over to me, all bulging biceps and bright smiles. Just before he kissed me full on my newly voluptuous red hot lips he cried,  “Oh thank heavens, HERE you are. I’ve been looking EVERYWHERE for you Suzy Q!”

More flash fiction for your midweek coffee break...

Hello all. There have been a few requests for more flash fiction, so ever happy to oblige and give you a giggle during your working day break, here's another from the pen of Suzy Q especially for you...

                                      THE CONFERENCE

“Oh no, not again” she groaned as she struggled to get her head off the pillow. She tentatively opened one eye to ascertain exactly whose pillow it was. No clues there as she took in the rumpled bed and looked about her in the gloom of the hotel room. She draped the sheet about her and staggered into the bathroom to splash her face and gulp down a tumbler of water. Her eyes avoided the mirror, and took in the array of metro sexual lotions and potions at the basin. Nothing she detested more than men who spent more on their grooming products than she did.

She followed the trail her clothes had made through the empty room and got herself dressed, racking her brain for any recall of the night before. Then she found the note.

“Hey babe, off to join Man Com for a round of golf. We’ll be heading back to town on the jet, so no chance of seeing you again today. Fantastic conference hey!

Jack.

PS. You were great Suzy Q! “

“No, please no, not the nerd from Human Resources! HOW could that have happened?” she groaned again. As she slunk down the corridor to make her way back to her room, it all came back to her. “Curse Mike for suggesting those shooters,” she thought. It was, as always, One Tequila, Two Tequila, Three Tequila, Floor. Though the floor would have been preferable to sharing a bed with Jack. The bumpy bus ride back to town did nothing to help her aching head. Well, HR should at least be pleased that the team building exercise seemed to have been successful.

Rather as she had expected, there was an email from the Head of HR summonsing her to his office on Monday morning. With a leaden heart she made her way to the top floor, knowing full well the corporate policy on this sort of thing. There was mercifully no sign of Jack as she slunk into the Chamber of Death.

 “Well Miss Jones,” Mr. Heath began. “It seems you’ve been hiding your light under a bushel. Some of the isometric tests we did on conference showed that you have people skills which are utterly wasted in the IT department. I’d like to offer you a promotion as my PA, with immediate effect. Perhaps you’d care to join me for a cocktail here this evening to toast our new working relationship.”

        

Midweek flash fiction for your coffee break.

 Poor old Suzy Q has been under siege from a tribe of inept painters (are there any other kind?) and has also been without water during a heat wave (more of which later) thanks to the council rudely cutting off our supply without warning. So dear readers, please do forgive me for not having written much of late, I'll resume my normal duties as soon as I'm let out of the asylum. But for the moment, a fun little story just to keep you going... 

      
             Hell Hath No Fury

It had been an intense and passionate affair. The taste of forbidden fruits kept us electrically charged and on edge twenty four hours a day. Who knew when our cover would be blown? The risk it bore was a depth charge to our stolen hours of pleasure.

However, all good things must come to an end, and it was naturally he who chickened out first. Summonsed me for a more than sobering cup of coffee to a mediocre, out of the way place. I’d guessed of course, but I reckoned I deserved a better send off. After all, I’d risked my future and career for him, and sacrificed my own feelings of self worth.

“Best say goodbye now, before my wife finds out. I think she’s starting to suspect. I’ve got the kids to think about too.  It’s been a privilege and a pleasure knowing you Suzy Q,” the sanctimonious snake had the cheek to tell me. “But you must understand that I am a family man at heart, and my wife and children will always come first.” It surely hadn’t seemed that way when he was with me, but I allowed him to continue. “I’ve decided to relocate, start afresh somewhere near the sea. We’ll be selling our home soon and moving to the coast to enjoy quality family time together.  It’s been a bit of naughty fun, but I have no doubt you’ll find someone else to mess around with soon. Oh, and Suzy Q, no need to mention this to anyone, ok.”

I waited until his mini mansion came onto the market, and called the agent. She was as unscrupulous and greedy as a hooker, and agreed to see me on the spot, even though she could see it was clearly out of my league when I hopped out of my little Fiat. A funny feeling it gave me, wandering around his family home. I had, after all, only ever been there for the corporate cocktail party he’d hosted, when our eyes had first locked over the champagne flutes frothing with Moet.  It had all the fake paraphernalia of a man living a successful lie.  Silver framed photos of him playing at being the faithful husband and devoted family man took pride of place on his desk. Pictures of him bear hugging famous faces and certificates from a marketing school nobody had ever heard of filled the walls.

The slimy toad thought he could have his fun with me, and then return to his picture perfect family, as if I’d never existed. Scot free. But what he hadn’t reckoned with, was little old me. As the estate agent turned her back to show me the magnificent view from the bedroom balcony, I slipped my g-string, the one with the purple feather that REALLY used to tickle his fancy, under his wife’s pillow.